So... It's come to this.

Today begins my last week in the mission field. It`s been the best, the most incredible and difficult and worth while experience I have ever had and maybe ever will have, in the sense that Jeffery R Holland means it when he says that every good thing that has ever happened to him resulted because of his missionary service. This time has been desisive, and VERY imperfect.

 I know that this is the most marvelous and wonderous work that a human life could be engaged in. I know the saviour lives and loves me and that he is pleased with the efforts and work I have made. I testify that that is true. I also know without a doubt that my offering was imperfect, mixed in with a lot of mistakes and regrets. But the cool thing about the atonement is when we TRUELY repent, regrets turn into invaluble lessons and a peaceful knowledge that Heavenly Father does love us, and it`s never too late to work on it.

I heard before the mission from a returned missionary that some people are for the mission. They already have a testimony firm and solid, they want to work and understand and although they`re imperfect they do good work and keep the work moving forward. But then there are other missionarys, and the mission is for them. They`re a little more imperfect than other missionarys. They don`t know how to work hard and sometimes forget why. They do an okay job, but at the end of their service, they`re more changed than their sectors are. I always dreamed of being that first missionary. I wanted to do a good job. I felt I had a testimony. I thought I was ready to serve the mission. But now looking back... the mission served me, and changed me, and I wish I could have done more. I am in peace with my work but I would clearly change some things if I could. I`d love to be able to stay more and give a more compleate offering to the lord. I don`t think there´s not a single missionary who wouldn`t change somethings if they could. I guess that`s another incomrehensable part of the atonement for me. I feel worthy. I loved my mission. It was the best thing that happened to me. I wish I could have done more, but these last few months I have literally given my all. I`ve made righteous choices I never thought myself capable of making. I chose the harder right instead of the easier wrong. I`ve loved this time and the opportunities it`s given me. More than anything I can say without a single doubt or wavering that I know Jesus Christ. I have worked by his side and said what he would have said and done what he would have done. I have studied his life and communicated with him and loved him more than at any other time before. The atonement is real for me. It abilitates me to keep doing good, and liberates me from guilt of bad choices and makes me learn from them. The difference between a good choice and a bad one, and even a good choice and an excellent choice is more obvious.

We had an incredible week finding new people to teach and seeing the fruits of forgetting yourself, but truely forgetting yourself. Nobody except the branch president knows I`m going home, which I prefere, because the work isn`t about me. I don`t want to be spending my last weeks in goodbye parties. I want to use it to look for evey last person that God has preparied for me. It was actually kind of funny because when I told Presidente Brand, he just staired at me in silence for a good while before saying, wow, I had no idea. Hahaha, it was really sad. Pres. Brand is one of my best friends in the mission. He`s doing a great job and it was an honor to help build up Arauco along side him.

I`ll be speaking in sacrament meeting of Afton Second Ward on the 9th of July. See ya´ll soon =)

Sister Ashlee Bowling
♥ from Chile!